Loudly Spoken

Most everything is loudly spoken these days. Which can be funny, annoying or down right mortifying. For example...

At the conclusion of the Christmas eve service prayer, when all the people said "amen", Roo shouted "Manamana!" Thanks, Muppet Movie.

At the grocery store, Em shrieked "Hey! She checked me out!" towards the pretty cashier. Apparently, Em was in the line of fire when the checker scanned my coupon card on my key chain and her eyes got flashed with red scanner light.

From the backseat, Em hollers "Sneak the red light, Mama!", urging me to turn right on red.

Em also announced to the entire cafe that she was going to "erase" her crumbs and then licked all the parts of her mouth that her tongue could reach.

This morning, while climbing in the car, Roo pretended to talk on the phone. Her entire conversation was about how annoying I was being. "I'll call you back. My Mom is bugging me again.", she said.

Then, don't forget the million times they announce that they have to go to the bathroom, have burped, or need help wiping their booties. Loudly. All very loudly.

I may start wearing a disguise when we go out in public.

it's the middle of the night

Dear Roo,

It's 1am. You started sleep talking about half an hour ago. But now, I think you're wide awake. You probably woke yourself up with all the chatter. You do this a lot, you know? Em is a champ who sleeps through it all. I probably would, too, if I'd already been asleep. But, I can't sleep and now, I can't try to sleep. Because you're awake. What's the deal, Neil? Not enough hours of day to say everything you need to say? I'm not upset, though. A few years ago, I worried that you'd never speak.

I'm not worried anymore.

Love,

Mama

P.S. You're narrating stories right now. With loads of details and plot points. Maybe you dreamed a story that you just had to wake up to tell. Until your handwriting catches up with your brain, we might need to snag some dictation software. You have stories to tell, my sweet. Beautiful stories.

put the breaks on the Christmas shopping

Roo has revised Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You".

All the words are the same until the end of the chorus which now goes... "all I want for Chwistmaaaaas... is mah se-elf!"

details

On my way to the kitchen this morning, Roo stopped me. She was extremely irate at the misprint in her children's Bible. Apparently she just noticed Abraham's name change from Abram.

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J has a newish toy. A remote control helicopter. None of the girls in the house are allowed to play with it. We may only admire his awesome flying of the thing.

Said helicopter has been missing for 48 hours.

After much interrogation, Roo admitted that she might know where it is. She "might" have hidden it. On the shelves. In the living room.

He still couldn't find it.

They chatted some more. She wouldn't be in trouble, but could she just tell him where.it.was. Well, sure she could, but maybe he could do her a favor. She began bargaining! Negotiating! A few of her toys are MIA. Maybe he could track those down for her or pick up a couple of new ones first, she suggested.

I found the helicopter tonight. Behind a framed photo of our family. On the shelf, right where she said it was. Hidden. Only a piece of the propeller peeked out.

Mornings

Of late, mornings around here consist of me being woken by someone asking if their outfit matches.

Before I've had a chance to drink my coffee, someone needs help with their accessories.

"Tie my scarf, please." "Have you seen my headband?" "I need my robot necklace."

As I'm making breakfast, their day is already underway. Roo, clad in a hat and cardigan, is writing a giant P.S.H. on a legal pad. It was supposed to be a T for technology, but she got distracted and wrote a P. So, what's a P word that rhymes with technology, she asks? I've got nothing.

The game changes. It's, now, a Pechnology Scavenger Hunt.

Has anyone seen a Pechnology anywhere?

kid slang

My new favorite things being said around here are mostly coming from Em.

Today we introduced them to 007 movies, the classics, and she referred to James Bond as a good "spyer".

Also, I love the way she uses "sneak" in a sentence. "Daddy, I'm gonna sneak you!" means I'm going to creep up and surprise you.

Roo also got in a good one with "race game" referring to the marathon that went through our neighborhood.

must find parenting manual and read section on age 5

Earlier this week Em had a bad dream. J went in to soothe her and, apparently, left his glasses on the shelf of her bed.

The next morning I found them on the shelf in 3 pieces. Some forceful bending had removed the ear pieces from the eye pieces. We took them to J. I began to sternly lecture Em about what she'd done incorrectly. J, meanwhile, is squinting at her (sans glasses) and chiming in on the lecture. Em focuses completely on the winky squinting.

She leans in, gets right in J's face and gives him a huge smile and a wink.

And then dashes off to play.

************

On Monday, we ate lunch out as a family. The waiter stopped by after taking our order to refill our glasses. The food was not yet ready. Roo whipped her straw out of her cup and jabbed it at the unsuspecting waiter. "How 'bout you get me my grilled cheese sandwich, Sir?" she said.

As J and I muffled mortified laughter and the waiter burst out laughing,

her big blue eyes missed nothing.

************

Tonight, after a frustrating dinner (no one under the age of 5 was eating, complaining was rampant), J hit the wall. "Fine. Be excused." he says.

"But no more food or water for the rest of the night. There.will.be.no.snacks."

Both girls pop right up, all smiles. (They totally won.)

On her way, Em leaned over and hugged J. "You're my hero, Daddy"

word of the day

February 7: Hangry

When you are so hungry that your lack of food causes you to become angry, frustrated or both.

An amalgum of hungry and angry; invented to describe the mood of a person who hasn't eaten for many hours; an outwardly hostile and angry hungry person; a contraction of hungry and angry.

*"I.WANT.PEANUT.BUTTER.CRACKERS!", snarled Roo, in a hangry haze of low blood sugar and frustration that had well exceeded the ability to speak without growling.

conversating

Em told me this morning that the kitchen was smelly.

"What does it smell like?" I asked her.

"Daddy."

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Em took one of her doll babies in the car today on our errands. While she was fussing with its clothing (her own preemie clothes), I mentioned that she was about the same size as the doll at birth.

"Roo, you were even smaller." I said.

I told them their birth weights, 3lbs 5oz for Em and 2lbs 8oz for Roo.

Roo puzzled over it for a moment and said, "Two hundred and eight dollars?"

"Oh no" I said, "You cost a lot more than that."

Roo thought another moment, then said, "Oh. Two hundred and eight million dollars."

Yeah, that's a little closer.

we eat it!

We did a practice run on building a gingerbread house. This was a quick fasty made from graham crackers and some leftover cookie frosting.

It looked like this for exactly 7 seconds.

Then, they went all Hansel and Gretel on it.

lost in translation

J: Roo, are you going to mow the lawn for me today?

Roo: Sure. Wait... No. I don't want to be Mulan.

Em: I'll be Mulan!

J: Great, thanks Em. I'd love to have you mow the lawn.

Me: *snort laugh*

Em: Daddy, you'll be Prince Mulan!

J: Wha....?

Em-isms

The latest and greatest -isms from Miss Em:

"my faydrid"

translation: my favorite

"gorngous"

translation: nice looking oranges, i.e. gorgeous

"rainbow seeds"

translation: prism fragments

"I'm talling" or "I'm highing"

translation: growing taller

"balloon kite"

translation: helium filled balloon

"chicken dinner winner!"

translation: winner winner chicken dinner (to be said after a victorious experience)

"zoocandy"

translation: zucchini

"wonderfall"

translation: waterfall, but a really cool one

"take a hide"

translation: I'm going to hide now

"open your eyebrows"

translation: raise your eyebrows

I think it's English

Toddler slang has segued into preschool lingo. Some of my favorites are these...

From Em

"Finger tracks"

translation: finger prints when finger painting

"Cowboy knee"

translation: I want to play horsie and sit on your knee.

"hipcuts"

translation: hiccups

"sparkle teef"

translation: I just brushed my teeth and they sparkle.

"super taste"

translation: Super Target

From Roo

"I fuff an puff "

translation: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the house down.

"Pray me a secret"

translation: whispered prayers right before lights out at bedtime

"peanut butter spoon"

translation: Instead of a sandwich, I want a big glop of peanut butter on a spoon to eat.

"m'lady"

translation: a new nickname for Mama

"I surely do"

translation: Yes, I'll do that.

"talk to me"

translation: y'all be quiet because I've got something to say

spacenuts

Em: Good Morning SpaceNuts!

Me:

Me: Do you mean 'astronauts'

Em: Yes.

Em: Good Morning AstroNuts!

overheard

Em, on the way home from a fun get-together with 2 other sets of twins.

[random sobbing from the back seat]

To herself: "That's okay, Em. Don't be sad. You had fun! You put on a great show."

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Roo, playing in our bed while J tried to sleep just a bit longer.

[looking over at J as he snores; big shrug]

"And the bear snores on."

a little paint on the barn

Em asked me for a "shadow brush" this morning.

I was getting ready for the day and putting on my makeup. She wanted to do that, too.

I keep a set of make-up brushes just for the girls to play with.

(Ever since finding Roo dusting with one of my blushers.)

Playing makeup isn't a new thing.

But today, she wasn't satisfied with the brush. Em said she wanted "some paint".

Here's the result.

Check out those eyes!

from the heart

Tonight was the first time both girls said truly original bedtime prayers of their own accord.

Roo began by requesting that I pray for them. Em then volunteered.

So, we bowed our heads and listened to her completely compelling and adorable prayers for her friends, family, home and favorite things. Em ended it by saying "...and fank you for my fambily. My mudda, my fahder, and my twin sister. Oh, and bless Mama and Daddy. And Em and Roo. And Maggie and Mo. 'n Jesus name, amen."

Then, Roo volunteered to pray. She began by repeating some of the phrasing and key words from Em's prayer. That's typical for her, borrowing words when she's not sure what to say. But, then, she found her heart, and with it, the words.

Roo prayed for herself first, saying some of the things that J and I pray over her. She prayed to have good dreams, to sleep well and to grow in grace and might. As she began to use her own words, she started to whisper, a bit self conscience. I heard her pray for blessings for her family, naming Mama, Daddy and Em. She thanked God for safety at the swimming pool today and named a few friends and then signed off with her amens.

I was near tears by the time they finished. It was such a precious moment and milestone to witness.

Yes, they've each said prayers copious times, but the family prayer time, going around the room and each of us taking a turn... it was different tonight, beautifully different.

cinderella, dressed in yella...

Roo: Mama, I'm a princess.

Me: Well, hi there Princess Roo!

Roo: I'm not Roo. I'm Princess Yellow.

Me: Because your shirt is yellow? Does that make you Princess Belle? She wears a yellow dress.

Roo: No I'm CinderYella!

her sense of smell works

Yesterday Em woke from a nap, entered the freshly mopped kitchen and wrinkled her nose.

(I mop with vinegar and water these days.)

"Wuz dat smell? It's stanky!"

"Do you mean stinky?" I asked.

"No. I smell stank. It's stanky."

Then today, she toted a Vanity Fair, loaded with perfume samples out to the car. It sat in the humid heat for several hours before we returned for a ride home.

Em declared the car to be stanky, too.

She's right. It was.

storytime as told by Roo

Once upon a time there were two little, no, wait...

There was one little... yes. One little boy.

And one little goyle. Named Daddy and Mama.

And they went to Africa. Then they went to Abilene. And that is the end.

-by Roo